Jul 14, 2023 | Aspire Blog
Alcohol Addiction
Change Grow Live have some put together some advice on how to spot the signs of alcohol addiction and things you can do to help someone stop or cut down on their drinking;
https://www.changegrowlive.org/advice-info/alcohol-drugs/alcohol-advice-for-professionals
Substance Misuse
Parents and carers who misuse substances can have chaotic, unpredictable lifestyles and may struggle to recognise and meet their children’s needs. This may result in their children being at risk of harm. NSPCC have some helpful guidance on parental substance misuse:
https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/children-and-families-at-risk/parental-substance-misuse
Further help and links to useful websites can be found on our Advice and Guidance page
Apr 19, 2023 | Aspire Blog
There is no denying that the impact of COVID 19 remains and what we are seeing most is the impact that has been left on some of our children
For the best part of 2 years, children were away from school, away from friends, away from the competitive nature of sports and Exams. Children born in lockdown were unable to meet extended family and join baby groups and new Mum’s were left in isolation.
During COVID, referrals for Counselling increased, a lot of these were for children who were anxious, children who were stressed with online learning or who were getting more stressed about the return to school and what that might mean.
There has always been a massive need for children’s mental health services and CAMHS and other Children’s services are often running at a capacity with large waiting lists.
In the last two years at Aspiring Futures, we have noticed the increasing need to be working with Parents and Children and therefore have implemented several new groups such as Stay and Play, Minecraft Club and Girls Rocks.
Stay and Play
Stay and Play is led by a qualified counsellor who can pick up on post-natal issues and signpost or offer support if needed. Parents can meet other parents and in this relaxed environment offer support to each other and firm friendships are often made.
Minecraft Club
Minecraft Club is aimed at improving children’s confidence and is for ages 6 – 12. Children who attend Minecraft club get projects to complete on the game each week and learn what it is like to be part of a Team. Being around older children makes the transition to High School a lot easier for the younger ones, as they are used to being around older children.
Feedback from parents is that having this group has improved their child’s confidence, given them a new friendship group and given them space to be their authentic self as we don’t have the same rigid structure as school.
Empowering Women
As a Women’s organisation we have seen for many years the impact that low self-esteem has on women, building on confidence and self-esteem from a young age is a must for any child but especially girls. Girls from a young age can access media images of unrealistic body image portrayed on most social media platforms, as well as many reality TV shows promoting promiscuous sex and overly sexualised behaviour. As well as running Empowering Women for adults we also run Girl’s Rock for ages 11-17.
Girl’s Rock
Girl’s Rock focuses on building confidence, learning resilience, relaxation and mindful techniques , as well as giving the girls a safe space to make new friends and explore lots of topics with a leader who is a qualified counsellor and children’s worker.
Click here for more details about our support groups for children
Apr 19, 2023 | Aspire Blog
by Mandy Newell
Counsellor and Project Support
Confidence starts from being a confident parent
New parents get given a lot of information and some of that conflicts with what they think is right for their child, well meaning family members or friends might have their input, social media posts might show that one perfect image from 100 pictures taken, and it’s easy for doubt to creep in.
Being a confident parent means trusting in your own choices and knowing that what you’re doing is best for YOUR child. It is also about being confident to ask for help when you need it.
Confidence in children doesn’t always mean a child having loads of friends or being loud and entertaining. Confidence can look like a quiet child who is good at learning or problem solving, it can look like a child who is good at making Youtube videos or new levels on a computer game. But most importantly confidence can be impacted by those around us.
Here are ten top tips for helping to raise a confident child
- Model confidence in yourself.
- Don’t get upset about mistakes, this is how we learn.
- Encourage them to try new things, but don’t get angry if they don’t as it might not be the thing for them.
- Help kids find their passion, choose hobbies which encourage these.
- Allow kids to fail, failure will encourage them to do better next time and learn that not everything goes well the first time.
- Praise Perseverance.
- Set Goals, this is a life skill.
- Rules, let them help choose what rules need to be in place. Having choices and creating choice helps people stick to rules better.
- Be there. Children who know they have a safe adult who is always there for them, often make better life choices and have someone to go to if things go wrong.
- Embrace imperfection – perfection is unrealistic. We are all perfectly imperfect.
If you feel that you or your child need some support on improving your confidence, then please contact us at Aspiring Futures.
Apr 4, 2023 | Aspire Blog
Self-regulation in managing emotions. Using the wisdom of the body.
Written by Katalin Schonffend, Counsellor at Aspiring Futures C.I.C
Emotions can sometimes be overwhelming and we often find ourselves looking for ways to bring us back to balance, to a place where we feel in control with what happens to us. To maintain that balance we need to increase our flexibility and be comfortable with how emotions can move us.
This article explores how the body responds to emotions and how we can find new meaning and reframe experiences by being open to stay with our emotions.
“Change the music to change the dance”
Sue Johnson author of Emotionally Focused Therapy
As within a dance where the steps are practiced by both of the dancers, our bodies and our emotions are exchanging information, guiding each other.
Thus sadness and anger are not just emotions felt on the intellectual level, by naming what we feel, but also emotions our bodies are responding to, at the level of stomach, shoulders, posture.
An efficient method to manage emotions and their echoes in the body is regulating, slowing down and balancing those emotions with our capacity to respond to them.
This is what we call self-regulation: when we understand emotions and integrate them in a healthy way.
For self-regulation to happen and to feel that feelings are more bearable and manageable we need to intentionally focus the attention within, towards how the body carries emotions.
Like an upset child comforted by a loving parent who is gradually guiding the child to understand her emotions and to process them, emotions need to be heard and listened to in order to be integrated to unlock healing.
Emotions that are seen and held are not longer alien and scary and more likely they become emotions which we are willing to embrace, emotions which teach us about ourselves.
We can then begin the work: changing the music (the way we see our emotions) to change the dance (how we react to our emotions).
By tuning into the body a new language of emotions can be learned, leading to a more successful way to respond.
Self-regulation can be practiced with simple techniques such as being mindful of our bodily sensations, conscious breathing or grounding ourselves by paying attention to our five senses (hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting and touching).
Let’s change the focus from how the body is carrying us to how are we caring for our bodies! You might be surprise to find how much wisdom is stored inside.
Reference:
Susan M. Johnson (2018). Attachment and Theory in Practice: emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with individuals, couples, and family, New York: The Guilford Press;
Ken Dychtwald (1977). Bodymind, New York: Pantheon Books;
Susan McConnell (2020). Somatic Internal Family Systems Therapy: Awareness, Breath, Resonance, Movement, and Touch in Practice, California: North Atlantic Books.
Dec 5, 2021 | Aspire Blog
Our mind is not a good fit for how and where we live.
By practicing mindfulness we have the power to respond to our environment differently.
The Mindful Nation Report was published in 2015 by the UK Government. According to the report in 2015, up to 10 per cent of the UK adult population was experiencing Depression with only 1 in 3 receiving support.
The UK report found that the best way to tackle the problem is to encourage the practice of mindfulness In the workplace, education, health, criminal justice system.
Millions of people around the world practice mindfulness. It is seen as a natural, safe and accessible approach to benefiting our mental health in much the same way as jogging is to physical fitness.
To be mindful means to pay attention to what is happening in the mind, body and immediate environment – to remain present, curious and compassionate.
The practice can be as simple as an awareness of breath and body. We observe our thoughts and emotions as they come and go before gently returning focus to physical sensations while remaining curious and accepting.
We can all benefit from increasing our awareness while being less reactive and judgemental. Mindfulness can help you foster a more healthy, compassionate response to your own experiences and of others around you.
Countless research studies have proven that practicing mindfulness has many significant benefits to our mental health.
It appears that mindfulness had many benefits it helps us manage existing stress and offers protection from future upsets. We feel happier, more focused, creative with improved sleeping patterns. While mindfulness does not change all that happens to you, it does change your relationships with what happens.
Mindfulness apps worthy of your attention.
Smiling Mind – free download
A not for profit organisation. The app features hundreds of meditations. They are organised into structured programmes.
My Life Meditation – free download
By Lynne
Dec 4, 2021 | Aspire Blog
Mostly in south Asian Muslim cultures we tend to judge by, conform and enforce age old moral codes on ourselves and others. God forbid if someone says anything about us even if it is true, we make sure we circulate enough slander about them.
I wonder why people need to portray such a squeaky clean image of themselves? They would normally act like moral guardians of a group, almost like a cult leader. They will use cliched moral codes to form a community so that they may have a sense of belonging and influence.
Women usually minimise or deny their sexual/romantic liaisons/experiences. Men may lie about their sources of income (halal), addiction issues and may overstate their sexual conquests/experiences.
It’s astonishing the length one goes, amount of lies one fabricate, abuse, blackmail that is hurled on others to perpetuate a false narrative, enmesh others into our lies and dishonesty.
To weave such fabricated layers of fantasy and denial of our true representation one must use elaborate mechanisms.
Prolonged use of defence mechanisms is damaging for our mental health and relationships. It could cause paranoia, hyper vigilance, delusional thinking, lack of authenticity, state of unhappiness and dis-ease. People will avoid facing reality, they will carry a sense of guilt and shame, a fear to being caught out.
We as Asian community need to be more honest and forgiving to ourselves and others. Stop keeping a score of others flaws as an insurance policy to preserve your pristine image.
Such double standards and confused moral codes in family lives are causing a huge amount of stress and anxiety on Asian youth.
The most courageous act we may ever do is start debunking those internalised beliefs that coerce us into sham and dishonesty. Forgive ourselves for our limitations and messing up. Accept our flaws and avoid perpetuating lies to maintain our ‘holier than thou’ image.
Don’t ask me how
but you don’t have to be a cow,
to play ‘holier than thou’.
By Yasmeen
